Love in the Time of IP.

I recently saw a quiz on fbook,"What kind of lover are you?"
And I start pondering upon it, as any free thinking human being at 7:43 a.m. with a cup of the strongest filter coffee should rightfully do. Are there kinds of lovers? Oh now that I think of I have encountered a few i could stereotype.

1) The Barista Babies : He is 14, she is 13. His voice is fluctuating between tenor and soprano, she is already wearing skin tight jeans and showing of 32 A- bras. They look deep into each other's eyes over cold coffee (with ice-cream) . Soon they will be writing notes on the coasters.
2) Dosa Darlings : They are slightly older and slightly poorer. They eat lunch facing each other in a jam packed South Indian resturant. shyly peeking at each other over idli and sambhar. When they think no one looking, the fulfill their carnal desires by holding hands.
3) Kathi Kissers : This is the non-veg version of the above. They are much bolder and look at each other hungrily as they eat the kathi kebabs. Oh, they sit on the same side of the table. Well you never know, he may as well have his hand on her shoulder.
4)Metro Mehboobas : They are lovers on the move. Far far away from the prying eyes of the city, they celebrate their love between stations at non peak hours.
5)Last-row Lovers : Try this : the moment a movie reaches the interval, turn around quickly and take a look at the action going on in the last row. You'll find the Last-row Lovers in their act. I can't tell what they will be doing but it will be more interesting than the movie. Oh and if its somewhere in South India, you get to see free mallu porn (just btw, kerala's income is 60% from porn .)
6)Park Partners :On the benches and on the grass, love plays itself out. His head on her lap, stolen kisses when they think no one is looking. His hand moving this way while he is looking that way. And if they find a secluded beri ka tree, ahem.
7) Skype sweethearts : These are the tech savvy lovers who are separated by miles. They hook-on the web cam, chat with a dozen less than three smilies and then hook-up. Oh also may be called sms- sweethearts or calling-couples.
8)Toilet Twosome : These are usually the stylish and slutty school kids in 11th and 12th who can't control their hormones. So they meet during play practice, during lunch break in private corners, toilets anyplace that accords a little privacy, to have a lil fun. Addendum :love isn't really a pre condition here.
9)Hotel Heart-throbs : These are the college going versions of the above. They check into hotels and create the history.
10 )Mall Majnus :The Mall Majnus are a li'l too cool for parks. So they skip the Park Degree, graduate to Malls and attempt a post graduate in Cuddle tech.
11) Pipe Pyaaras :No money, tonnes of love : When you apss a slum on the side of the road, look into the huge pipe lying there and you'll see a couple holding hands.
12) Long- term Lovers : They are both in their sixties, eating a ice-cream or "hrmph" one- another. Nonetheless love shines in their eyes. Give them a smile. They deserve it.
And me : I am the conniving, deceitful, non serious, lying lover. Or maybe because I haven't really loved yet.